Christmas

To be honest with you I was unsure how this Christmas would be this year. Because of cancer we were unable to travel to be with our family or loved ones and this hurt me deeply! I was so disappointed when I got the red light on leaving the state for Christmas that bitterness came over me. I honestly cant really picture traveling in my current state. Although done with chemo I have recovery to tackle which will just take time. Anyways I am so please to say this was one of my best Christmas' yet! With a mixture of positivity, the best husband in the world, family and friends it turned out to be the best Christmas I've ever had! Matt and I justified this hard year we've had as an excuse to spoil each other, and that we did!! Time together just us and the dog is always loved! And FaceTime made us feel very involved in our nieces and nephews Christmas excitement. We are just so incredibly thankful to be alive and out of hospitals and care centers this holiday!! We hope you had a merry Christmas and have a happy new year. 

Done

Today my heart is so full! Full of pride, happiness, love and appreciation! The kind words and messages have been flowing in all day. I couldn't be more thrilled to share this day with all of you and to read all your amazing words. I just want to relish in this moment! One of the hardest things I've ever been given is over. In the scriptures when it says; "this too shall pass", I want everyone to know that it actually does. Trials are a part of life and I am so blessed to have overcome this one! I am truly thankful for your support, love, kind thoughts and inspiration to beat this disease! I love you all! 

Dancing

One thing a lot of people dont know about me is that...I love to dance! Not conventional dancing, no routines, instruction, or any sort of order. I'm talking about loud music, jumping up and down, eyes closed, hands flying in the air, surrounded by people who love to do the same, my favorite music playing far to loudly, and my feet aching from jumping for hours.

In college I danced just as much as I studied! In my bedroom with my friends, with boys, outside, at parties, at concerts, in the car, walking (dancing) on the way to class with headphones on, anywhere and everywhere! I am by no means a good dancer, I can barely play just dance on wii but I love it! I close my eyes, jump in the air, and escape reality!

I miss dancing. I miss moving. I miss closing my eyes and the only thing on my mind was my favorite song playing, making my heart thump. It's a beautiful thing to let go, I always felt like I was free and flying for a minute. On Wednesday (if the weather behaves) it is my last chemotherapy appointment. The last of 12! And I plan on dancing afterwards!

Dancing on the beach 

Dancing at my wedding. My favorite dance.

Cancer ignorant

Before I got cancer I was like anyone else and thought I was invincible! I've had a couple of illnesses in life but the most serious was only swine flu in 2008 and I was fine after 5 days. I honestly knew of only a couple types of cancer. Breast cancer, lung cancer, lukeiuma, and melanoma. And I thought if you got cancer it meant you were going to die. At the beginning we only knew there was a tumor or mass where my lung is and I just assumed very quickly that it was lung cancer and that I might die. I was extremely naive and ignorant. I thought all cancer patients lived within hospital walls, turned skinny and lost all their hair! That's all I knew. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.