Cancer ignorant

Before I got cancer I was like anyone else and thought I was invincible! I've had a couple of illnesses in life but the most serious was only swine flu in 2008 and I was fine after 5 days. I honestly knew of only a couple types of cancer. Breast cancer, lung cancer, lukeiuma, and melanoma. And I thought if you got cancer it meant you were going to die. At the beginning we only knew there was a tumor or mass where my lung is and I just assumed very quickly that it was lung cancer and that I might die. I was extremely naive and ignorant. I thought all cancer patients lived within hospital walls, turned skinny and lost all their hair! That's all I knew. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.

I like to brag and say that I have the best cancer! The thing about hodgkins lymphoma is that it's very curable and I am 100% not going to die from the disease. I will go on and live a 'normal' life, with just some minor side effects from my treatments. And in 5 years from now I will officially be cancer free. I am not going to die from cancer! I tell myself that everyday! Living with and curing cancer almost feels like you are dying though, because your cells, good and bad are dying within you. The pain is just the outward sign of the battle going on inside my body. I literally had to and have to fight for my life. It has been as much an emotional fight as physical and never easy. The consequences of cancer are real for everybody who has ever battled any form of the disease. 

I am eager to find my new normal and to go on living. I believe that everybody in life has their own Job (from the bible) moments. Where everything they know is lost, life becomes hard and faith is all you have left. This is one of mine. My faith has gotten me through this trial and has made me stronger. My prayers became a real form of communication and truly have been answered. My heart is constantly full of God's tender mercies and I know I am loved. And someday I will have all the answers I desire. Until then I must keep fighting. There was a short time I wanted to and threatened to give up. My family, best friends, friends, and support group, absolutely forbade this from happening. And I'm thankful.  I even went to a counselor to have her rule my clinically sane and able to make my own decisions because the chemotherapy was too much. But I am proud to tell cancer that I am still here! I am still fighting! And I ain't going nowhere! Not today! Not tomorrow! Not ever!