To tell you the truth; I miss the mountains! I could tear up thinking about it I love the mountains so much.
To tell you the truth; being the only one in my family(s) who has cancer is extremely difficult, awkward and hard! Although I have a lot of support it's hard being the sick one! And to tell you the truth I have two sister in laws who have never reached out with support or even love really. They have actually never acknowledged that I have cancer. It hurts us but we understand it's hard on everyone!
To tell you the truth; I think my precious dog and companion is on his last leg of life but is courageously holding on for me to be cured because he knows I love him and need him!
To tell you the truth; having a portacath and being stabbed in the chest each week is extremely painful and I hate it.
To tell you the truth; sometimes in the morning before I'm completely awake I forget that I have cancer. It is one of the best parts of my day!
To tell you the truth; I would have cancer a million times if it ensured that none of my loved ones got cancer...ever! Especially Matt, I love him too much and if the roles were reversed I'd be heart broken! I am thankful everyday it's me not him!
To tell you the truth; I despise showing my body to doctors! I know they are medical professionals but I am extremely modest and hate hate hate exposure. I dread it! It makes me cry!
To tell you the truth; I am honestly extremely positive! Positivity rules my life but I still get saddened too and at the beginning would sob before each chemo treatment.
To tell you the truth; chiropractic care has increased my quality of life during treatment! I go twice a week and without I don't know where I'd be!
To tell you the truth; I love my oncologist Dr. O! Not only has he been doing this for 20+ years, he has given over half a million dollars of his own money to cancer. He reminds me each week how well I'm doing and from the get go encouraged me to see optimistically and that my life would resume shortly! He is also hilarious and he hates that I'm always late to my appointments but laughs anyways!
To tell you the truth; I miss my mom! When you are sick all you want is your mom! I've been sick for 6 months straight. Having her at one of my surgeries was the best thing in the world.
To tell you the truth; when it comes to my personal boundaries with Matt I do not have any anymore. He has had to help me in every way possible from getting dressed, to shaving my legs, to helping me in the bathroom, to waking up every 4 hours to give me pain medicine. He's been there in every way possible. It can't be easy but he does everything with a smile.
To tell you the truth; the worry of cancer returning will always haunt me! I could never do it again knowing what I know.
To tell you the truth; sometimes really late at night I cry a lot. Just tears flow and I can't stop them.
To tell you the truth; im still figuring out how I will be a whole person again after cancer. Sometimes I don't know if I can go back to 'normal' after.
To tell you the truth; at the beginning I didn't take my pain medicine because I was afraid I would get addicted and have to deal with that later on. Luckily my survivor friend Ben walked me through it and told me to take it responsibly and accurately. And I haven't gotten addicted.
To tell you the truth; I've never felt so loved in my whole entire life. The people who I care most about have been there for me, some people I don't even know and many friends have show me so much love.
A beautiful painting masterpiece a friend made and sent me. I love it.
I loved this post. The line that hit me the hardest was when you said you worry about it coming back. ... No one who has never had the diagnosis can truly know what that means. I feel ya there, sister. I know that worry. The flip side of that is that I also know hope. Hope that life will continue, cancer-free. And hope that I never forget to be grateful for all the things cancer taught me.
ReplyDeleteI love you. I'm so glad you're writing. I'm so glad your husband is such a support to you. What a blessing!
Thanks for sharing your life with the www. :)-